2012!

So I haven't blogged in like a month, and the last time I did post something was to say I'd given up in the whole BEDD (Blog Every Day of December) thing. To be honest that was unrealistic for me and I should've thought that through before committing to it. Anywho, since 2012 has come around oh so quickly I thought I'd just write a blog and tell you (my maybe one/two readers) about my goals or somewhat ambitions for the year.

It seems to be that when January 1st comes around, everyone is talking about New Years Resolutions and what they are gonna do to make there life a whole lot better for the next year. Or the year that they are now in, I think. Yeah, so I didn't really wanna think of any resolutions as in the past I've failed to live up to these ridiculous goals of mine. Sometimes I must think I'm superwoman or something. Anyway, I guess over the last week or so I have been pondering over some 'resolution' like ambitions.

Last year, I went through I lot of stuff. And it taught me things about myself that I needed to learn. Cliche-ish but whatever. So I guess they are based off of these experiences I faced in 2011.

1) To appreciate myself more - Meaning to put myself first (sometimes) and treated myself with the respect/happiness/whateverelseshouldgohere I need. I'm learning to love me. I used to hate the way I looked. My hair. My arms. My legs. And the list goes on.. so yeah this made me really genuinely hate photos. I'd be all keen for a photo then would look at it and think 'ew I look so gross' etc etc. But yeah I think I'm learning to deal with these flaws and I actually like some of the photos that I used to hate now. Yep, so if you see me dissing myself, hit me okay. (Lol, not actually... or maybe haha)

2) Procrastinate less - The reason I say less is because I know I still will procrastinate against stuff but yeah it'll help me do it less. I hope. Pretty much last year (2011) I wasted a lot of time on Facebook or Youtube or just being a bum in my room when I should've been doing homework things or cleaning at home etc. and not that my grades were bad (I hope) but I know they could've been better. I'm talking about internal grades here. I only got like 6 excellence credits and the rest were merit so I was bummed. I hope my externals were good. *fingers crossed* Yep and so in procrastinating less I hope I can get an endorsement for NCEA Level 3 or at least get what I need to get to uni in 2013! (That's scary to think that uni is only pretty much a year from now!!)

3) Get closer to God - it's kinda scary to put this up here cos to be honest for the past few months I feel like I've been sort of disconnected from Him and it's because I've been putting up walls that shut Him out somewhat. It's like I know so much about His word that I could and have been faking it. It's making me cry. I really do miss being close to God. It's hard coming back to Him with everything but I know He loves me. It's funny because He gives me little hints and reminders of how much He cares and this is a whole other post so I'll stop but yeah pretty much He's the man.

4) To be a good role model - Year 13 is obviously gonna bring a lot of pressure with school and stuff but one of my other goals is to be a good role model to the younger girls at AGGS especially Rose since she's starting this year. I want to set a good example to others that will follow after me because I know that last year I probably didn't take my leadership roles too seriously and could've been better. I wanna be the kind of leader that other girls look up to but can also just relate to. I'm not the super intelligent dux-type student but I try hard in my subjects and aim for the best. That's all I can do. I also wanna make sure I stay humble. I realised that I probably talked about becoming a prefect too much last month and yeah that's not how I want this year to be. Yeah so I just wanna be a good leader. Hopefully it all goes well.

5) New Year, New Me - Mum is gonna help me re-do my room which is cool and exciting. And I now have a new desk which is gonna help the procrastinating thing I hope. Another thing she helped me with today was a de-clutter of my wardrobe. I threw a lot of clothes out and have nearly organised everything. Just need to buy a few more things. I wanna lose weight.lol. Yep last resolution, always the same. But I'm determined to at least get to a healthy weight and maybe a nice size figure for the ball.lol. That's my Mum's inspiration to me. And yeah I just wanna do it. Not just for the ball. Let's hope it works. (Gonna add this here cos I don't want six resolutions - to spend less on food and other random things and save more for Aussie in April!)

So yep, feel free to keep me accountable to these goals of mine. Hopefully they will go as planned if not better.

Yay for a new year. For 2012. Year 13. Everything.

Goodbye :)

Free to worship for such a time as this.

Tonight, before youth I really wasn't in the mood to go to church, to worship God or do anything so when Dad told us to find our own way to youth, I was like 'hm, yeah I just won't go', unless Rose could find us a ride- it was like 7.15pm already by that stage. But then she found one, yeah her friends mum picked us up and so I was like okay I have to go now, right? Yep, so I went and when I got there I was sore and tired and still not in the mood to socialise with people. Sad right?

Anyway, my whole mood changed as soon as worship started. Worship does that. Well, God anyway. Cos' I realised that despite my circumstances, I was still gonna jump around like a crazy person, clap my hands and just be free in His presence. Yeah, I dunno, there are days when I can jump around and praise Him forever and then other times where I just take those opportunities for granted. So yeah, it was just good for me to put everything aside and just worship Him.

Anyway, then Paul was sharing about 'the cause' and it just so happened I was wearing my 'Created for His cause' camp shirt. Coincidence? Well, probably but yeah whatever. Yeah so he was just talking about stepping up for His (God's) cause and also not fighting alone. But to 'tag' God when we need Him, which is like all the time. (This is not how I planned to write this post but yeah whatever lol).

The best thing about it was that at the end we had a time of worship and all got prayed for. I got a cool prophecy about a garden with orange flowers, which was strange to me but yeah I guess God will reveal more about that and the person praying for me was saying that over summer there will be things I plant (ie. the flowers) that will attract people to the garden/kingdom so yeah pretty cool huh? And, it's all God :)

The other really cool thing was the dog tags which Karen and Paul gave us. They have the verse from Esther which says we have been called to this time, for this cause. Well, not exactly those words but that's how I read it and yeah it's cool cos' this has been a verse which I've stood by and used in all of my tough situations, and in the good times too. So yeah pretty much, God is the man. And you, yep you, have been called to where you are for a reason.

Esther 4:14

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁴ For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”


BEDD: Day 6 complete.

Fear.

FEAR: 

noun a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil,pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Synonyms: foreboding,apprehension, consternation, dismay, dread, terror, fright,panic, horror, trepidation, qualm. Antonyms: courage,security, calm, intrepidity.

Fear. It grips us and stops us from doing the things we wanna do. It could be a fear of spiders that stops you from showering, or it may be a fear of small spaces that won't let you go in an elevator, or it may be something worse like a fear of failure which just stops you from doing anything cos' you don't wanna fail at it. Yep, fears are horrible things. They are often caused by past experiences and make you afraid to do something.

But, if you look at the definition of fear, then see the antonyms of fear, you'll see the words COURAGE, SECURITY, CALM and INTREPIDITY. These are the kind of words that remind me of God. Yep because God says in his word that we have been given all of these things through Him!

2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

1 John 4:4 (NKJV)

You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

Yep, so pretty much God has given me everything I need to overcome my fears and now I am fearless through Him! Greater is He that is in me than he who is in the world so nothing can stop me from doing anything now. Thanks God :)

Day four of BEDD complete.

Proud to be Me.

I like being who I am. I have many flaws but I'm still happy with who God made me to be. Sure there are times when I hate the fact that I can't do certain things (or that I do certain things) but for the majority of the time I'm happy to be who I am. I like the fact that I have an amazing family and that they love me very much. I know of a lot of people who don't have a family as close as mine but I'm glad that I have them because they are part of who I am. I like that I am Samoan and that even though only a quarter, I like that I know some of the traditions and that I grew up pretty much with my nana teaching me songs and recipes and stuff. Yeah, I don't like that I can't speak Samoan but maybe one day I'll learn it. I like that I go to AGGS and that I've been blessed with heaps of amazing friends there. Only one year left in high school :O oh gosh. I also like the fact that I am a Christian and that I go to MNL. Yep, cos of I wasn't a Christian I really don't know where the heck I would be. I would not have the amazing friends I do have and most of all, wouldn't have an awesome relationship with my God. It's pretty much been through Christ that I've been able to accept who I am, flaws and all and appreciate all the things I've been given. Sounds cheesy or cliche-ish but whatever, I love you God. Thank you for making me, well me. I love you :)

Day Three of BEDD done.

Healing Hands...

As a child you always get asked "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" and the typical response is something like "I want to be a teacher. Or maybe a doctor. Or maybe a firefighter etc". As a child there are so many options. Life just seems to be so kick back and easy as you play dress-ups and pretend to be a million things at once.

Well as a child I always wanted to be a teacher because I thought it was the coolest job in the world. Hey, my mum was a teacher, so I grew up loving school and am probably still the 'teacher's pet kind of student'. But it wasn't until maybe last year that things started to sink in. I was like.. 'hey, after a few years in this place I actually have to go on and do something with my life.' Teachers, doing their job would ask us the question "So what do you want to do when you finish school?" and I was like "yeah I know what I want to do, teaching, right?". I thought about it and was like yeah I can see myself doing that. I'd spent some time in Stacey-Anne's classroom with the kids in her class, and I loved it so I thought "Hey, this could be cool for me." 

But then God showed me through a prophecy that teaching was not what He had planned for me. A guy came to youth group one night in the middle to end of last year, I can't remember exactly, and prophesied over a few people. I was one of them and while I was standing there the guy prayed for me and said that God had great plans for me. He said he saw broken legs being healed and other sicknesses being healed because of me. When I heard this I was like "Huh? Are you sure that's for me? I thought I was gonna be a teacher?" but no haha - God always has other plans, doesn't He? So I took this prophecy and thought about what it meant for me. I think, being so naive about things then I just 'shelved the prophecy' and carried on in my clueless search for career options.

It's funny how God works because at the end of last year at our senior prize giving I got an award. Not many Year 11 students go to this prize giving but I went because I was getting a certificate thing for the 'top of the class' kind of thing (in history, HEALTH and SCIENCE just by coincidence and that's all I thought I was getting) until my name was called for one of the special awards. It was a new one called the "Healthcare Heroes Award" sponsored by an organisation called the Pasifika Medical Association which aims to promote health careers for Pacific Island people. Yes. I know if you are reading this and didn't know I was Samoan, I am. But still I was the 'white girl' going up to receive this Pasifika award. It was quite overwhelming but funny at the same time because through it I won a $100 book voucher (which I still haven't spent) and lots of other books including Science study guides. (I recently found out that I got nominated for this award by my old academic dean - Ms Hayes, who is at MAGS now. But this is my random shout out to her. Thanks Ms Hayes. Even though you will never read my blog you are cool :P) So here, God showed me again how I was going to go into a job related to healthcare and stuff. He's cool, huh?

So because I had 'shelved the prophecy' from last year and kind of gone on my own way, God had to remind me of the things He wanted me to see and know. I went to Elevate '11 earlier in February and kind of asked God to show me how this year was going to pan out for me. It's funny how stubborn I am and was then because while we were there I got another prophecy that I would see cancer patients healed. Like seriously!? I know. I just had to laugh at the words coming out of the preacher's mouth because I was like "Ok God. I get the point. I need to act on this prophecy you gave me last year (and the other signs you gave like the award, right?)" Well needless to say I was and am still stubborn but I'm on my way to something good. I figured  from these prophecies and subtle hints from Him that I was going to go into 'medicine' or healthcare or something but still things were and are still are hard comprehend.

More importantly, lately (as in the past few weeks, not last month or year) God's put on my heart the importance of our spiritual gifts and using them for His glory. I know I have a gift of healing (obviously if I'm going to be a doctor) but this was something which I never took notice of. I always used to give my mum head massages etc. and she said it would always take away her headaches and stuff. She told me I had 'healing hands' and I guess at a young age I never thought anything of it. Another of my 'spiritual gifts' was helping people. I love helping others understand things and teaching them new ways of doing things etc. God was and has been revealing to me these gifts I have to use for his glory. So I was sharing with my life group girls last week about this topic and they thought it was cool too, then tonight at youth Sunia brought it up again when he spoke about ministering to one another through our gifts. I thought it was awesome how God was showing me these same things that He was sharing with others around me. God is good isn't He?

I think the next part for me is just where faith steps in. I know that God is good and that if He gave me the whole picture at once I would freak out and probably go my own way again. God knows how things will pan for me and He said in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have you. To give you a future and a hope." and everyday I choose to stand on this truth, knowing that my God, who loves me and only wants the best for me is standing right by my side cheering me on in everything I do!

(To my faithful readers, if there are any, I'm sorry for making this a long post it's just been something I've wanted to share and if I've told you in person then I'm sorry for saying it again and again. But hey it's just something I wanted to share.)